Self pity, depressive mood, suicidal thoughts. Fuck all that. Not easy, but let's get the fuck over it.

Self pity, depressive mood, suicidal thoughts. Fuck all that. Not easy, but let's get the fuck over it. I just went out with my cousin and a common friend, and today my speech just didn't work. Sometimes it works A LOT better, but today I could barely say a whole sentence without stuttering. The feeling of helplessness, depression, self-pity and suicidal thoughts started slowly creeping in. It's like a ball in your throat (likely a supressed desire to cry, because as men we've been taught to push it the fuck down). I THINK it's because I watched porn today, and, well, rubbed one off. It's fucking lame, and maybe that's why I fall into a depressive mood after I do it, which eventually ruins my speech for the following few days. But you can't fucking avoid it either. For fuck's sake. Okay, fuck all that. What helps you? I started grinding black seeds and eating them, which somehow helps my mood. Magnesium + B6 vitamin seems to improve my mood daily and keep it stable. WEED! Few people talk about it with regard to this issue, but it may help! I once almost never stuttered when I consumed a drink made of wild weed (they boil it with milk and honey. It tastes bad, but works like a fucking charm). Alas, it's fucking illegal here (sorry for too many cuss words). So, I don't know what to say guys. I wanna cry, but I also hate that emotion. I say fuck it. Kill the bitch inside you!