Yes. I torment myself with dreaming of what life without a stutter would be like. What I could have achieved, expressed, participated in without being so familiar with humiliation, shame and embarrassment. It’s like living life with a muzzle, to be constantly underestimated. Maybe I would have had kids, I wouldn’t dare pass this misery onto my offspring. I can’t wait til life is over, no point having goals or dreams, it will only lead to disappointment. kids are told you can be anything, well actually no you can’t. I’m a nurse but it’s exhausting pretending and hiding my weakness everyday. Block on a word, or stutter and I just want to disappear into the floor, it’s not good enough. Patients deserve better, I’m sorry I can’t be the perfect nurse, I try my best but it’s not good enough. I‘ve been on and off antidepressants since I was 16, but they take away my libido. How cruel is that! I’ve been to psychologists, but talking to someone about hating talking to people isn’t really a good place to start. They advised me to give in, don’t keep fighting, don’t be so hard on yourself, but it’s the only thing that keeps me going. Luckily my husband and dog love me. So I stay.