I think the most important thing to remember here is that you are not a stutterer. You are a person that happens to have a stutter. This is a crucial distinction, as your identity is not solely defined by how you talk. Once you try to see yourself in a different light and appreciate all the great things about yourself, then you'll gain self-confidence and others will notice that. Remember that everyone is struggling with something, whether it's a physical disability, a mental disability, etc. So what if you sometimes have trouble talking? There's also many things you do quite well. Try to realize that no life is ever perfect, and make the best of the situation you have. Also, practice some common speech therapy techniques! I remember that even a little improvement in my speaking did wonders for my self-confidence, and from there it was a self-replicating cycle in a good way. More self-confidence = better speaking, which equaled more self-confidence, which resulted in better speaking, etc. I'm sure you'll be able to improve! All that being said, if you truly feel depressed and/or suicidal, get help. We care for you and support you always, and don't want to see you gone. Good luck, and I believe in you!