It's the exact same for me. I have been so good at covert stuttering that until I move to a new country (2 years back), most of the colleagues and friends hardly noticed my stutter. I dont know what changed since moving to a new culture but I am stuttering a lot more. I very much relate to what you said about hyper awareness, racing thoughts and self image. Hyper awareness & Self image - I cannot really 'get into' conversations or even escape into my own thoughts. Aware of EVERYTHING but participating in none. Who is looking at me, how do I look, am I keeping my hands in a weird position, do i look stupid to others, what are they thinking about me, oh god they think i am such a weirdo, I must say something so people think I am normal... fuck it i just want to escape and go home. Mostly the theme is a super inferiority complex to a degree that I feel I should not even exist among these perfect people. 10x on weed. Racing thoughts - It's scary because these thought are firstly very detailed and second they just dont make sense. Like literally what the hell is my brain even thinking, this is not even real and does not make sense. Like reading a piece of news that does not even exist weird. They just don't stop unless you escape into something ultra distracting like gaming or porn. Its worse for me in mornings when i wake up. This used to be a huge problem until a few months ago. Still there, but much much better now. For context, I am a pretty normal person. Not bragging, just being rational: I have fairly decent looks, good engineer and love my craft, good job, financially okay, married to a amazing person and even with all these crippling anxieties I pushed myself to move to the first world for a better life. So there is no real reason I should feel the way I do. But still sometimes it gets so much that my mind does drift to suicidal thoughts (no cause for alarm, they are just thoughts).