My name is Jill. I have always struggled with speech/communication. I remember when I was in junior high or high school that when I spoke, I would pause because I couldn't find the word I was looking for. Many of my friends and family would actually fill in the blanks when I spoke. I have always been a reader and I know what words mean but I always had difficulty getting the words out that I wanted. I have always wanted to be a good speaker. I read the Dale Carnigy books. The book has good strategies. However,  because I knew I was not good, especially with public speaking, I would get major stage fright. I was embarrassed and knew people were thinking, "what the hell. Didn't she prepare for this speech or presentation." This affected my self esteem and my ability to interact socially. I thought that once I went to college, I would develop a scholarly speech delivery and my anxiety would dissipate.  I struggled the entire time with fear of speaking, fear of being called on randomly in class. I also feel that because I felt a disconnect with my peers, I acted out and drew attention to myself so people would think I was funny. Humor has always been my go to. I was/am a lot like the impractical jokers. This is how I developed friendships. But, I still struggled with, I guess the desire to engage in a lot of social activities and meeting new people was difficult because I know that sone people that I did interact with, dismissed or ignored what I was saying or I would get interrupted because I was pausing, using filler words. I also have ADHD. So a lot of the time when I speak, I cant stay focused and lose my train of thought. This made me feel like an idiot and I know people thought I was. I know how the rumor mill works. I am 47 now and still have difficulty with cluttering.  I do have a Bachelors of Science and Masters degree in Occupational Therapy. Been an OT for 15 years now. I do know that I had to work very hard when studying and reading. I had to read out loud and sometimes write down what I read so I stayed focused. If I read silently, I could read several pages and not know what I read because of my attention. Also, I was so self conscious about my speech that I started to raise my hand in class, excessively if I knew the answers to questions asked. Soon, the professors stopped randomly calling on me to allow others participate. I was always so anxious to give speeches or presentations because I know how my mind works and I had already had horrible experiences that would stay fresh in my mind. I would have to read from my paper to keep my thoughts on track. I hated public speaking. It wasn't until I started working with other therapists in medical settings that I met a very nice speech therapist named Renu. She was Indian and spoke many different languages. She commented on my speech because she had trouble keeping up with me when I spoke and I would often stumble over words or try to say them at the same time which comes out ridulous. She was the first person to recognize that I  cluttered. I have never received treatment for this condition. I do still feel that I withdraw from social situations. I struggle just talking to my neighbors. I began using alcohol as a crutch in order to feel more confident or brave when interacting with others. If I cluttered or mixed up words, I felt people would just attribute it to the alcohol use. I do want to begin speech therapy because I know that is has had a crippling effect on my ability to feel comfortable socially without using a substance.  So that's part of my experience with cluttering. Anyone can feel free to comment.