Your feeling I believe is fairly common for people that stutter. What’s actually great though is that you have recognized the power of speech in a way that the average person likely hasn’t. The same thing has happened to me on my journey. You can use this to motivate you and bring a sense of power and drive out from you. For example, because I stutter sometimes, I basically told myself that I will do with my speech what the average person won’t. Such as small talk with people in public, start my own business, and join a public speaking club. As well as speak a second language. My friend, who stutters fairly often, inspired me a lot. He went door to door starting his own roofing company. A few people swore him out for knocking on their door. But now he is making around $20,000 USD per month, with his successful roofing company. He stutters a lot, but he is so chill and smooth, it’s like it’s actually relaxing to be around him when he speaks. I believe fluency is a lot about openness. If you are open and proactively walk into new emotions and experiences in life, it will help you begin to express yourself. And you gotta look at life from the perspective that you are attacking the day, not that the day is attacking you. That you are walking into the danger, not the danger is following you. It’s great that you mentioned self-realization, because the Dave McGuire course discusses it, and I would highly recommend them. They have an inexpensive self help book on Amazon called “Beyond Stammering: The Mcguire Program for getting good at the Sport of Speaking.” You can have the book downloaded onto your phone in minutes if you get the Amazon Kindle app. The book will go through psychological reasons for stuttering, give you a breathing technique, and inspire you to get out and practice speaking. The program will be fear inducing but use the people closest to you for support. Keep practicing the techniques and follow what the book says. Then I recommend reading “Redefining Stuttering” by John Harrison, someone who stuttered for many years and was part of the National Stuttering Association for many years. You can find a free link to the book at the website below. Cg Stutter on YouTube is amazing, as well as Stuttering Mind, and Stuttering with Olga are all great YouTube channels. As far as you being stupid, why would you say that you are that? Even defining the word stupid is not an easy thing to do, let alone call yourself stupid. You’re in college so you must be doing ok. And even if not doing ok in college, it can be related to other factors such as anxiety, OCD, ADHD, etc., so don’t be so hard on yourself. As far as the ugliness, if you truly aren’t looking up to uour potential, there are probably a ton of things you can do, such as dressing well and professional. Start by studying Korean and French models, and follow those details to a tee. Be thin, but still healthy. Take care of your hair, and find a makeup style that makes you look like you know what you’re doing. Put on an expensive perfume, etc. at the very least you could probably reach a 7 out of 10 attractiveness. Add a good job and college degree to that, and I believe you’ll do fine finding a mate and earning other’s respect. Learn a ton about the social world, go to therapy (recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), etc. Life starts to become really interesting when you start seeing how many of your thoughts and experiences relate to your speech. Never underestimate any factor for why you stutter. Sometimes it’s little things like someone’s face reminds us of somebody we had a bad experience around in the past. Keep a journal and take notes in your phone about your daily realizations and questions. This will help you track your journey. And as a Christian, I would say pray to God. God has been leading me through my journey. Keep your head up, and work hard, and what will happen is that you will begin to find yourself working smarter than harder. That’s when you know you are really in the right direction.