commentr/StutterApril 14, 2018

Content

I'm a doctor, recently licensed. I'm at a bit of a turning point in my life, contemplating going into residency while thinking about all the nightmare scenarios I will likely face while struggling with a stutter. Medicine is an extremely intellectual field, and unless you're a capable orator too everyone around you will write you off as a dullard and hence a poor doctor. There's no hiding in the shadows and staying quiet in this profession. I've been able to hide it well and sidestep as many grueling opportunities to embarrass myself as much as possible during med school, but residency is a different ball game. I would classify my stutter as "moderate". I can usually get through a few sentences fluently but will always trip up in a conversation, especially with certain problem words like "diabetes" and "physician". There's nothing more painful or embarrassing than having a patient finish a word for you, or get that looks that says "why is he stammering? Is he an idiot?"' which completely undermines the patient-doctor relationship for me. I am the one who imparts knowledge, I'm the intellectual superior - not being able to get that knowledge across perfectly is agony and feels like I've failed. That's what I'm up against. My dream is going into internal medicine, which in comparison to most other fields is an intellectual minefield. Talking is our art. When we're not speaking with patients, we're rattling off medical jargon and difficult terminology with nurses, colleagues, consultants, often in rapid fire and in a single breath, on rounds, on the phone, during almost daily lectures and presentations, usually with barely any sleep on a 36 hour shift, with everyone expecting our brains (and hence your mouths) to be working at tip top shape as lives could literally depend on it. I honestly don't know how I will get through the next 3 or so years if I decide to enter residency, but I will have to or else I'm stuck at a dead end.

Themes

School & WorkCauses & VariabilityEmotional ExperienceSpeech & Stuttering

Subthemes

Employment & CareerStress & Fight/FlightShame & EmbarrassmentAnxiety & Social JudgmentBlocks & Stoppages

Codes (1)

intimidation_authority