28 years of stuttering - My lessons and Motivation

28 years of stuttering - My lessons and Motivation Hello nice people, I came here looking to share my outlook on life consisting of almost conatant stuttering. Some good years, some worse. But overall constantly worrying about it when I have important work to do. I was one of those kids that hid at home and watched people play football and I was kinda ashamed. Slowly my friends let me know it wasnt a big deal and I started playing with others. Until 5-6th grade or smthing like that when was one of the most embarassing events of my life. I had to tell the teacher our homework, verbally, in front of my classmates. I blocked, and I feared to look dumb and get a low grade, I started singing the words. It was soooo bad, everybody bursts laughing and I was sooo ashamed lvl 100000. Nontheless I get it now. It was kinda funny, and we were kids. Also my real friends from school we still hung out I wasnt anti social or anything. Even the opposite, I was really open, smart and honest with people which they appreciated. This was where ai got into gaming. These were the golden years of computer clubs and games. I was really addicted to PC games and movies, shows etc. However I changed slowly turning 8-9-10th grade. I stopped playing, got interested in girls and started working out. 11th grade i was fit, I trained MMA, i got the respect from my classmates, friends, even teachers, because I was confident to do my own thing. I wrote great essays, I believe I could have been a writer. I didnt dumb down my words like I did when I spoke. It was poetry. Its good to mention I visited numerous specialists, and the most impactful was a Bulgarian company named Loggita. I stayed with them for a month on kinda if a retreat. I was able to say my name, my adress, control my life. I wasnt fully able to tell my homework in front of my class, but I didnt care. Slowly I started going to clubs when I was 18, I actively talked to people and girls. The good thing about clubs is you can repeat more times what you said and I was more fluent when it was loud. I loved karaokes, I sang and people loved it, seemed I was decent singer with great stage presence. I was literally free, the burden was lifted. I used to relapse every other year, and it still affects my work, or expressing myself. It does affect me, still. But what I learned is people love to be around me. I am funny, expressive, and Yes, I talk a lot. When I am free I am the soul of the company. I have my down days, I am anti social and dislike my stuttering. Even hate it, curse it, BUT I realized its a blessing. I would have never been so open and real with people, and loved, if I didnt force myself to develop more social skills. You are not dumb when you use different words, you are not useless, or insignificant. You are more than you think. I've had countless embarassing moments, countless. I was actively dating, a lot, and no girl was turned off by my stuttering. I learned to communicate with body language, eyes, touch. I was more than words. So I ask you to believe in yourself and no matter how you feel now, its just a chemical reaction in your body. Proactively you can do whatever you desire. There is a lot more to write, but I kinda lost where I was heading. Its simple, but not easy.