To be completely frank... I would've never allowed myself to be put in such an uncomfortable position if I new I wouldn't last at least a year and gained valuable knowledge.. seems like you took a job you werent confident in and now its biting you in the ass. Find a job where you can express yourself without excessive anxiety and fear. Be comfortable in your own skin and doing so means sacrifice to some extent. Pass on the higher paying job if you aren't happy and work your ass off for the lower paying job in hopes it brings greater fruits in the years to come. Whether that's with the same company or gaining knowledge to explore other options. There's so many options for people out there to make money and still be happy doing so. We don't have to drag our face in dirt to get where we want to go. We we just need to be happy where we're going and things start falling into place. Find your passions and explore their avenues is all I'm saying.