So happy there’s a community here.

So happy there’s a community here. Hello everyone, new to this subreddit. Honestly, I’m just happy to find a community of those who go through this too. I’m the only one I know in my family and social circle who has a stutter. I’ve had it since I was a child, and now I’m in my mid-twenties. I feel that mine may or may not be milder compared to what some of you experience, but nonetheless it’s very real and very annoying. It throws such a wrench in normal conversation. Various words will trip me up—some days I can say them, other days I can’t. Usually words that start with m, b, d, j. Other letters vary, but those are most common (I work in healthcare, and “medicine/medication” and “doctor” are freakin terrible for me) Some days, those are easier to say than others, and other letters will trip me up. My own name is difficult to say, and I hate introducing myself to others, feeling stressed in situations that I anticipate I have to do so. My old techniques to introduce myself don’t seem to work for me anymore. Phone calls are the bane of my existence, as I’m sure many of you can understand. I enjoy making jokes with friends and family, and it sucks when you can’t tell them like how they should be told, or you suddenly get a block on the execution. I’m appreciative that I have a very loving and supportive family and significant other who love me beyond my stutter, but at times, like damn, you can’t help but just feel embarrassed sometimes. It just gets to you certain days, you know? Idk if it’s right to feel “dumb” but sometimes I do even though I shouldn’t. I act like my stutter doesn’t annoy me with others, and play it off as nothing if someone mentions something about it (ex: other person: ‘hey whoa, What was that?’ And I respond with ‘oh nothing, I couldn’t find my words for a second haha’ or “idk words are hard sometimes”), but it’s one of my worst insecurities. Like I don’t know if it’s psychological or not, but when people ask me sudden or direct questions, I sometimes have such a hard issue responding. Not sure if it’s lack of preparation or what, but I feel like my mind has become so used to rapidly searching for word substitutions or finding the correct phrase that’s not as “stuttery” to respond with that by the time I do respond, I feel mentally frazzled. It’s so damn annoying, and it’s just another stressor on top of whatever the situation at hand is. I’ve read some of your guys’ posts and I understand so many of your struggles so well. Although I’ve been supported by the people around me, I feel like I’m just not understood because they can’t truly understand the struggle. But coming here, I’m happy to know I’m not alone and that I have a direct community that understands what I go through and that I can interact with. I also want to let those who are struggling to know they’re not alone too. Thank you to everyone who willingly share their experiences on here. If you made it this far, thanks for coming to my TED talk. We’re not alone; we have each other and we have our loved ones. Let’s keep supporting each other as we work through this. Cheers and happy holidays to everyone!