Hang in there. I’ve had bad days and feelings like that too but they always get better. A teacher once told me that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. With time you’ll find out what triggers you have and some exercises or practices that will help you with blocks. For me, I really struggle on the phone but have forced myself to do it enough that I can make it through. Sure, I still have setbacks from time to time and that hurts for a few days but then I’ll be back and ready to try again. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me a private message. Hang in there!