Content
I am asocial And I feel bad about it. The only conversation I bother having is non-vocal i.e. texting. I don't go to parties, and when I do I dread every second of it. In casual conversation I cannot reciprocate intrest, or reply in depth to questions, since it takes that much time and energy to force a sentence out. I haven't pursued a relationship in years now, deadly afraid of not telling the person I am with something because I start to 'tense up'. What eats away at me is people saying they don't mind that I stutter, or generally being supportive. Makes me feel that much worse about hating myself for stuttering. Which is in my opinion the driving force behind any stutter, the fear of stuttering. Every time I finally escape that viscious downward spiral, I get sucked back in by something as trivial as remembering a moment where I stuttered. In other cases, the spiral starts again for no clear reason. These cycles of entering and breaking the spiral, going from unnoticable stutter to full seconds long blocks and back... *Are breaking me.*