I relate to most of the stuff that you are saying. I have spent many years hating myself and blaming all of my issues on my stutter. Most of them have their roots from it sure, but at some point you just gotta play the hand that you were dealt. There are a lot of people in the world who where born under much worse circumstances, who have achieved great things and lived good lives. This does not make your life any better but it is up to you to make your life as good as it can. Make some changes in your life, remove the bad and fill the void with good stuff.