I feel so much more fun and dynamic inside. I can excitedly share stores, tell jokes, and just generally have fun. I love words and write well - I want to speak like that too. But I can't, and everytime I do get excited about something and share, or go for that joke, always ends the same. That grinding repetitive stutter, the instant regret, that "haha yeah, anyways..." showing they clearly didn't understand what I said at all. It hurts :'(