I definitely hear ya. It took me years to make peace with my stutter. And everyday is a daily fight to maintain that peace whether through meditation, yoga, weight-lifting, taking my vitamins, CBD, talking to myself in the car, talking to my alexa in my bedroom, talking to friends and coworkers, making sure I get enough sleep - just anything to keep my anxiety in check and my spirits high. Speech therapy has carried my fluency as far as it will go (I think) and the rest is just fostering good habits to maximize confidence and minimize anxiety. We gotta keep talking. We gotta keep practicing. It's a muscle we need to keep working out or else it'll atrophy and get worse than before. Keep trying! We win or we learn!