I know exactly where you are coming from, I've been there before many times and will be there again even after making huge progress over the years. I'm 38(m) and I have had a stutter since 1st grade. Speech therapy from that point through all of high school. When I was young I could barely get a few words out before running out of breath and having to start all over. Was made fun of by other kids all the time and even a teacher once. Some people are ignorant and will never understand what we are dealing with, but over the years I have realized that, on the most part, people are understanding and compassionate about our issues. I went into a career which didn't require me to do a lot of speaking, software development. I'm now a data architect and over the years have become much more comfortable with speaking to other people. It just takes time, practice, and finding good co-workers who can help you out when you get stuck in a meeting. Just be up front with them and more often than not they will be glad to assist. I now spend the majority of my day on conference calls with people I have never met before and very rarely have my stutter cause an issue. This is something that I would have thought would never happen, even just 5 years ago. To recap, every stutterer has these thoughts, but just remember that while it is a part of who we are, it doesn't need to define us.