My stutter disappeared completely for a year long time ago and since then I can't figure out how to make it go away again

My stutter disappeared completely for a year long time ago and since then I can't figure out how to make it go away again Hi guys. It's gonna be long. I figured out that maybe there are people whose stuttering problem is similar to mine cause my psychiatrists and therapist just don't know where it came from and how it works. I'm frustrated as hell because stuttering is destroying my social life for years now. Being extrovert at heart makes it really hard. Nearly every day I want to socialize with people and these attempts are quickly sabotaged by big lump in throat stopping me from saying anything. I'm 29M. My first speech problems appeared when I was 6/7 years old. I stopped talking to everyone beside my mother. I remember that there was this feeling of shame and fear of saying anything but I have no idea why. It was so overwhelming that I was willing to accept any other humilation just to not say a word. I remember a situation where my grandmother didn't let me watch my favourite tv show until I say out loud that I want to watch it. For a 6yo kid it was the end of the world but even then I couldn't force myself to say it. I wrote all sentences on a piece of paper instead. Then after 6 months out of nowhere I told my mother that I'm gonna start talking to people at april 15th and I did. There wasn't any reason other than my own random decision to do it. Nobody, including me, then knew why I stopped talking and nobody knew why i started to talk again. Psychiatrist couldn't figure it out and she ruled out autism or any similar disorder. Official diagnosis was just anxiety. From being 7yo to 17yo I didn't have any problems with speech at all. When I was 17 I started to stutter for the first time in my life. It again came out of nowhere. There wasn't any traumatic event etc. My stutter is this type where you have speech blockades. I don't repeat syllables. I'm just unable to say it unless I change a word to something else. It nearly always come with feeling of lump in my throat. I adapted to it by changing words that I want to say and making pauses. Not many people know that I stutter. I'm really good at hiding it but it doesn't help with my own frustration that this internal fear exists. There were so many times that I lost an opportunity just because I couldn't initiate a conversation. I went to the same psychiatrist again. She gave me SSRI and after few weeks it disappeared completely. After few months of taking it we decided to stop. And then for a full year without SSRI I hadn't stuttered even once. But after this time, out of nowhere(again) it returned. We went back to same SSRI but this time it worked for only 80%. I was 18 or 19. From this time to being 27yo we experimented with \~10 medicines, SSRI, SNRI and benzodiazepins. Nothing worked 100% like that first time with SSRI. Some worked 80, some 90%. It seemed to be quite random. Side effects were so hardcore that they pretty much did more harm than stuttering itself. I went off these medicines completely just to feel something again, lose weight and regain libido. To my surprise, going off it didn't change anything with stutter. It was 80-90% gone with or without them. Then I went to other psychiatrists and got diagnosed with ADHD. I started to take bupropion, methylphenidate (now changed to lisdexamphetamine) and going to therapy. It has helped with all problems in my life beside stuttering. I feel like I'm out of solutions. I can't stand these remaining 10-20% of initial stuttering and I know that I will always be frustrated unless it go away completely. It seems to be purely psychological. It's much stronger when talking through phone with randoms or talking irl with first time met people like cashiers or food delivery guys. When I drink alcohol it can go away 100%. My psychiatrists and therapist never heard me stutter but telling my friends about it didn't change a thing so it's not working strictly on a case of fear of being caught. I even now have a job in which I have contact with new people nearly every day and often talk with randoms by phone. This exposure helped a little bit but not much. I just don't know what else I can do and it's really hurting me. I want to be more social and I am when there comes flowstate without stuttering at all but it's rare, random and not sustainable. I know that there's ton of people who have much worse problems with stutter but I can't live with even a small portion of initial issue. I overcame it once so I know that it's possible. I will never accept that it's not. Maybe there is someone here who can see in what I wrote some scheme or anything similar to their own situation and can tell me what else I can do.