Hello, I didn't check my post for a long time so sorry for the late answer, I didn't mention it but I live in Germany, and from what I've seen, Germany is a very very busy country and as I mentioned in my post the earliest appointments are in at least 3 or 4 months, and some even get delayed, just as mine did, I was supposed to go to a speech pathologist about a week ago, but it got delayed and now I have to wait till next month. In short, school started today for me, as I expected my teachers did not help me with anything other than telling my class that I stutter, which actually made everything worse, we all had to stand up one by one and introduce ourselves, of course I stuttered and blocked a lot which made me feel like crap and I also noticed the looks on my classmates faces, a kind of confused and blank look, which to me looked more like a disgusted and inpatient look, after I introduced myself the teacher proceeds to ask me to say my name again as she didn't understand how to say it, which made me even more nervous because for some reason it's really hard for me to say my own name, after all of that the first day of school ended, on the way home I just couldn't stop thinking about how much I hate my life and how much better it would've been if I was never born, then I arrived home, cried, and now I'm writing this. Also as of recently I started to really hate people who are "gifted" with the ability to speak fluently, whenever I see someone that is able to speak and do so many things through speaking but they don't, it just makes me sick and makes me wonder if they ever though about how lucky they are and how many opportunities they have. I'm sorry for the long text and I'm sorry if I said anything rude, I just don't have anyone to say these things to so I just wrote everything here, I can't take it anymore and I'm slowly losing the will to live, I'm sorry.