Anxiety and stuttering just led to one of the most humiliating nights of my life

Anxiety and stuttering just led to one of the most humiliating nights of my life For the past few years I'd been working on dealing with my stutter, anxiety, and on general self improvement. I thought I had improved and changed a lot and I was starting to finally feel somewhat comfortable in my own skin. Early this year I decided I wanted to leave my city, so while I was job hunting I stopped dating. The better part of a year later, I got a great new job in a new city and got back on the dating apps. I matched with a woman, and we had a fantastic conversation, and agreed to meet up. I suggested a restaurant near her, but she implied she was willing/wanted to drive further out to do something more fun, so I booked ice skating tickets and a restaurant reservation elsewhere. In hindsight, this was a fucking horrible idea, since I had effectively never ice skated before. I thought it would be fun to figure it out there with her, but instead I ended up spending a lot of concentration simply trying to just not fall on my ass. She was comfortable enough on skates to make conversation while we did slow laps, but I was a bumbling mess. At that point the stuttering had kicked in. I think I just didn't have the bandwidth to speak fluently and learn to skate simultaneously. I knew I was blowing it, the anxiety got to me, and I got in a positive feedback loop that made the stuttering worse. I usually would only stammer, but I was even having trouble getting out individual words. I told her my mom's a microbiologist instead of truthfully saying that she's a molecular biologist, because I knew that word would not come out. I was a mess. We sat down at one point and just chatted, but I was still an anxious wreck and didn't perform any better then, either. After this, we headed out to the restaurant. I actually started to calm down a little, and was hoping to actually be able to express myself over dinner. But, when we left the rink, she explained that she didn't feel a romantic connection and ended the night. I do appreciate that she was frank and didn't just get a free meal out of me. But fuck, being effectively told that I was so unattractive that she wanted to end the evening early hurt. A lot. It wasn't just that I butchered the date, though that hurts too; we seemed to have a lot in common on paper, and she did strike me as a genuine person. It's that I feel like years of effort on self improvement have amounted to nothing. Every single question and topic of conversation she started, I blew. Every single one, except maybe greeting her. The words I didn't stutter through were awkward curt responses and questions. I can't say I blame her for her decision. Maybe being rusty from not having dated for more than year played a big role in what happened, but this night was beyond the pale. The funny thing is I went into the date with a very confident headspace, but I just spiraled out of control. I couldn't help myself. My confidence is shattered now. I'll never escape this fucking disability and it's going to continue to ruin my fucking life. I never had a ton of friends, and now they're almost all gone from my life. I'm 26 and never had a relationship. I'm damaged goods, and that's only going to make escaping harder. I don't think I can do it anymore.