I felt a lot of the same things when I was younger that you are feeling now. I don't know how much of a comfort it will be to you here and now but I can tell you that time will change how you feel about your stutter. I've gained perspective and while it is still an issue and something I struggle with, it is not the enormous, all encompassing, traumatic problem that it once was. Nothing about the stutter has changed, I've changed and grown as a person. You will too. I learned that the stutter is almost always a much bigger deal to the stutterer than it is to the listener. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Stick around and one day you will be glad that you did.