Does anyone else mainly just struggle with names?
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Does anyone else mainly just struggle with names? My stutter is almost unnoticeable most of the time. A lot of the time most people don't believe me when I tell them and 99% of the time the only thing I stutter on is my first name. There'll be times I get anxious or excited and I'll stutter more or sometimes even getting sick does it, but for the most part it's mainly my name. 8 weeks ago I got a new job, which was a government job which was originally listed as just "administrator". If you were successful you would be assigned to a random admin job in any department that was short staffed. I ended up getting into the court system in more or less a clerk role. With things as they currently are with the pandemic, the role is to more or less host videolink court sessions, introducing myself and all the different parties, asking security questions, answering any questions anyone might have etc. At first the idea of this really stressed me out, as introducing myself and saying my name is just not a situation I'm usually comfortable with. But I've been introducing myself as Nate (which I can say) instead of Nathan, which has been much easier, but I think has sounded a little unprofessional in the court setting. And the legal members still all call me Nathan if I've introduced myself as Nate. So far I've actually really enjoyed the role, to my surprise, but that kind of changed on Friday. A member of the public came on with a surname I couldn't say, I was already a little stressed because we had a few tech issues and the hearing started late. But when introducing myself to them I stuttered on their name, apologised, stuttered again, then moved on without saying their name, felt myself get really flustered and embarrassed and I couldn't get it over with fast enough. The judge I was with said, "Um... Thank you" and sounded super confused by my introductions. I felt mortified. Once the hearing is underway and I've carried out introductions I can turn off my microphone and camera and carry on with my admin duties while the hearing takes place unless I'm called upon for anything. I was so upset with the situation and myself. I sat and shook my head for a good 5 or 10 minutes after I turned my camera off. I had so many thoughts of my future in the job, whether or not I could stick it out for a while, whether I was suited. All from one bad experience in 8 weeks of a new job. I felt so disheartened that afternoon and I couldn't get it out of my head even lying in bed. I think I just get away with my stutter so much because my stutter is relatively mild now and I've almost built up a vocabulary of words I can't say that my brain automatically avoids. Whereas you can't change people's names. My stutter used to be so bad that I could hardly speak a word and when I was in school at 10 or 11, I remember shaking and stuttering on every other word during a speech in English class; and I feel I've come so far since then, but situations like Friday make me feel like I have so far to go. I just feel I put so much energy and effort into talking and self-moderating my words that other people who don't stutter don't spend time thinking about, talking is so effortless to them that they take for-granted how easy something like saying someone's name is. Then I struggle and beat myself up for days after. This post was mainly to get get what happened off my chest. But does anyone else have similar experiences or any techniques that they use when it comes to names?