My dude. I read your words and they sound like my own. I cant and wont disagree that having a stutter sucks really bad. Your right, it effects everything in our lives, from ordering to personal relationships. Like you say, I've had phases of difficulty where it feels like my stammer ruins everything but these as you put are phases. My stammer like yours is like the weather, sometimes its sunny and easy and then storm and traumatic. But my friend the weather changes. It will change. You should be around to see the sunny new day, not see the rolling clouds and convince yourself it will always be this way. Stammering and depression are different things. If you need to share I would love to listen. Be strong