Wow. Your post was like reading my biography. I'm also a person who has problems with R and can't say my name (Ryan). And yep, I think I did all the same coping mechanisms, like using the bathroom before my turn for oral reading (the worst!!) My life was full of the same people... Speech therapist trying a variety of ways to fix my problem, including "slowing down" etc. Which she also encouraged my family to tell me. But the only way I found to be as "fluent"/"fluid" as possible was using substitution words. I stutter with lots of words, but my major problems letters are L, R, W. I've simply had to learn to think ahead about my sentences... and swap L/R/W words out for similar-meaning words... even if they're not always 100% correct. Doing that LITERALLY changed my life where I was able to talk with friends, co-workers, strangers at parties, etc. It took time. And I will still stutter. (That will never change.) But I've gone from being a terrible stutterer to a mild one. And people seem to be more accepting of a mild stutter. My speech therapist told me not to swap words. Yet it was the ONLY thing that helped me. It took 15 years to figure out she was the one holding me back. Long story short... I felt lost & hopeless at 15/16/17/18 bc of stuttering. But in college, I started surrounding myself with loving people & life has been better. I'm sure you'll find your way. We all have to find our own way.