You need a way to feel some agency over your life (not necessarily control of your speech. You can stutter and still feel in control of your life). I don't know how old you are but if you live in America and can afford it, I suggest going to the National Stuttering Association annual conference this summer. You will meet all sorts of people who stutter and see new points of view on stuttering and being a person who stutters. That's my best recommendation.  >I'm thinking about turning to cigarettes because depression and overthinking have really destroyed me and my health. I can't even how charitably guess how cigarettes could help in this regard. All they'll do is destroy your health more.