Struggling with stutter,addiction,friendships

Struggling with stutter,addiction,friendships I don't know how to start. My stuttering was pretty manageable a few years ago,I could fit in as a fluent speaker who never had a stuttering problem and I was a extremely talkative person. I know we all go through alot of anxiety,stress and mental pressure because of stuttering. I use drugs to escape my thoughts about stuttering, stutterers don't get a equal chance as rest with this world, like Career wise I wanted to become a lawyer, I was always very good at debates and arguments . Also loved the concept of helping others through my speaking skills as a kid, but as my stuttering got worse it took that dream away from me. I can't vocalize my thoughts and get talked over almost like my opinion doesn't matter. It's very frustrating when you finally manage to gather all your courage to speak up buy get talked over because my speech is to slow or I suffered a block or so on. I can't stand up for myself in crucial situations and I'm not saying I don't try to. All this had made me suicidal I had 3 suicidal attempts last year, OD'd on drugs this year...scary stuff all because I can't accept the fact that I stutter and how it doesn't give me an equal chance at communicating with others. I really hate the sympathetic people who say "you are strong" and stuff like that because it doesn't really matter because being strong doesn't mean I don't take punches from others you feel me? Transitioning into adulthood,fake friends,addiction,stuttering it's all taken a serious and traumatic toll on my mental health I have dealt with plenty of trauma already, been sexually abused etc and I genuinely think I can't take it anymore. I know acceptance is a powerful way of healing but I can't accept the damage I have taken because of things that are not even in my control, I can't accept how I can't do certain things that others can effortlessly. I have been blessed with a lovely family my mum dad and siblings love me to death but I know deep inside they are disappointed and hurt by what I have become and the troubles I have caused them (not related to stuttering) I feel extremely tired I've had terrible insomnia for months now, mental health doesn't exist I just suck up my emotions and say "it's fine not everything is in my control but I am in control of how I react" All this is meant to help you but it really just makes me feel hopeless, worthless and not good enough.