Hey, do you tell the new people you stutter? I know if you don't do that it can feel impossible. But for many people it is part of a way out of the hiding and avoidance and dread that you're talking about. The first time will feel awkward. But probably even that very first time will bring a kind of relief that will make you want to do it regularly. Not like you're disclosing that you're an ax murderer, but like, "yeah, I stutter if you haven't noticed; it's not big deal, just might take me a little longer to say things." I know it IS still a big deal to you. But....well, often, if you can "act as if" (I prefer that expression to "fake it 'til you make it" but same idea), you will find that it becomes no big deal. Just a thought. Maybe you've done this before ("advertised"), but if you've avoided it because it's so awful to think of, well....maybe, if you could manage to force yourself to do it, you will find a piece of freedom in it. That piece can lead to less anxiety and a break in the anxiety stuttering loop that you're talking about. You know...it's really about not trying to pretend that you don't stutter. That can be freedom. Wishing you the best.