i'm 38 now, and upto 34 i had the same mindset about my stuttering as you do. I'd have fluent stretches, and then something happened (stressful meeting, argument with someone, bad sleep, etc.) and then I'd start stuttering again. Worse, the more I tried controlling my stutter, the more stressed I'd get to maintain my fluency, which in turn worsened my stutter, and then I'd have again start "working" on it. What really set me free is the realization that its ok to stutter. I realized that THIS is a non-negotiable, super-duper important pre-requisite before I do anything to improve my speech. In the last 4 years, my stress has reduced 1000%, my quality of life has dramatically improved, and guess what - as a byproduct of reduced stress/anticipation, my stutter has reduced significantly. Then again, I don't give a shit about what other people think about my stutter anymore. This is the ONLY reason I have been set free. Once you realize this, once you get a taste of true freedom of stuttering freely, you will never go back to wanting to suppress your stutter